Donald Trump vs. Mark Singer
As far as I am concerned Mark Singer won this pairing hands down. The story gets particularly funny at the end.
Singer writes: Never having met Timothy O’Brien, the Times reporter who finds himself on the receiving end of a five-billion-dollar libel-and-defamation suit from Donald Trump, I don’t presume to know whether he’s having fun yet. But I doubt that I’m alone among members of the Fourth Estate in experiencing a twinge of envy. Talk about pennies from Heaven! Overnight, sales of O’Brien’s book “TrumpNation,” the vivisection of the alleged mogul which prompted the litigation, moved it from 123,329 to 466 in the Amazon.com rankings.
Continue ReadingComedy Central on Cheney’s Hunting Mishap
The shooting was fertile ground for Jon Stewart, the host of “The
Daily Show,” the popular fake news program on Comedy Central. On
Monday night one of the show’s correspondents, Rob Corddry, introduced
as a “vice-presidential firearms mishap analyst,” said that “according
to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the
brush,” and “everyone believed there were quail in the brush,” and
“while the quail turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that
today, Mr. Cheney insists he would still have shot Mr. Whittington in
the face.”
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The Terminator of Speech
“The doctor then told me that I should not do any events for three days and also said to me I should not speak for three days. My wife said, ‘Make it seven.’” Arnold Schwarzenegger, California Governor, after cutting his lip in a motorcycle crash in Los Angeles.
In Heaven we are all Celebrities
I personally think that heaven will be like being at the comedy club all day long. But I seem to be alone in that belief. Barbara Walters interviewed big and small people about what they think is going to happen after death. Here is what they said:
By VIRGINIA HEFFERNAN (NYT)
‘Heaven
Continue ReadingThe Top 10 Bizarre Children Names of Celebrities
1 Moon Unit - Frank Zappa
2 Apple - Chris Martin/Gwyneth Paltrow
3 Misty Kyd - Sharleen Spiteri
4 Geronimo - Alex James
5 Heavenly Hirani Tiger Lily - Michael Hutchence/Paula Yates
6 Dandelion - Keith Richards (Rolling Stones)
7 Dweezil - Frank Zappa
8 Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q - Bono (U2)
9 Zowie Bowie - David Bowie
10 Rufus Tiger - Roger Taylor (Queen)
For details on how the survey was conducted, click here.
Continue ReadingCollege is for Life
Everyday our brain fabricates stories for ourselves about who we are and what we should be doing with our life. Only imagine what would happen if suddenly the national media starts covering your life. Just as everyone else, your brain will feel pressure to tell different stories, stories whose plotline is driven more by what others want to hear. On the front page of today’s NY Times is one funny example. Much of the richness of the story lies between the lines.
For One Student, a College Career Becomes a Career
By SAM DILLON
WHITEWATER, Wis. - Nearly every college has some screwball who never seems to graduate, lingering year after year as classmates move on. And then there is Johnny Lechner. In his 12th year of college here, Mr. Lechner has parlayed life as perpetual student into a lucrative personal brand. His genius for self-promotion might have earned him Phi Beta Kappa - if only it had been applied to his studies. He has appeared on “Late Show” with David Letterman, “Good Morning America” and other shows, describing a roisterous campus lifestyle of beer and merrymaking. National Lampoon is promising to pay his tuition, and the makers of Monster Energy Drink deliver 30 cases a week, along with advertising posters and condoms, to the house where Mr. Lechner lives and parties, in exchange for his endorsement of Monster as “the official energy drink” of his 12th college year.
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Finally a Politician who Speaks his Mind
Some of Putin’s spades, taken from his first four-year term, have been collected in a slim volume called “Putinki: A Short Collection of the President’s Sayings,” and they suggest that quite a bit is going on inside that dour black suit.
After a trans-Atlantic trip, Dec. 24, 2001:
I wasn’t that excited about spending the night at Bush’s ranch. He must have thought to himself, what’s going to happen if he invites in a former intelligence officer. But Bush himself is the son of a former head of the C.I.A. So we were a nice little family circle and felt pretty good.
Addressing deputies of the State Council, May 28, 2001:
I know perfectly well that I’m guilty of everything, even if I’m not guilty. That completely applies to everyone who sits in the hall today. You are also guilty even if you don’t know what it’s all about.
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Attention Soccer Moms and Dads
If your son or daughter does not want to go to soccer practice today, here is an another argument you can use to convince your couch potato and possibly too intellectual child: “Sweetie, if you become really good at soccer, you can become rich and one day even have a private meeting with the pope.” Yesterday, the Pope received Germany’s most glorious person, the former soccer player Franz Beckenbauer. Within German society he plays a unique role for an athlete. A few weeks ago, Beckenbauer turned 60 and every single German newspaper had a story congratulating the so-called “emperor” on his illustrious career that is still in full swing. Presently he is one of the chief organizers for next year’s soccer world cup in Germany. Unlike other star soccer players, Beckenbauer has turned his sport abilities into a money gold mine. The man is truly blessed by the gods. This must be the reason why our new pope received him yesterday and reportedly even held a little private audience with the star. Beckenbauer later told the press: “To talk with the pope about soccer was the most important moment in my life.” Emperor, I hate to break it to you, but your most important moment was 30 years ago when you helped Germany win the world championship in 1974! Without that glorious achievement, the pope would have asked you yesterday how you plan to go to heaven if you marry so often, all the while scoring illegitimate children.
A Real Run-Away Bride
Unlike in the romantic comedy with Julia Roberts, the story of this Run-Away Bride is leaving everyone with a sour taste in their mouths. But the reaction of her uncle made me smile: “Jennifer had some issues the family was not aware of. We’re looking forward to loving her and talking to her about these issues.” What a conversation that must be.
“My Life so Far” by Jane Fonda
MAUREEN DOWD has written a funny review of Jane Fonda’s autobiography in today’s NYT.
‘My Life So Far’: The Roles of a Lifetime
One day when she was playing cowgirl in the annual bison roundup on one of the New Mexico ranches of her husband, Ted Turner, Jane Fonda realized with a jolt that she was about to turn 60. She decided that the best way to meet this unnerving milestone was to make a short video of her life ‘‘to discover its different themes.’‘
She invited her daughter, Vanessa Vadim, a documentary filmmaker, to help her. ‘‘Why don’t you just get a chameleon and let it crawl across the screen?’’ Vanessa suggested dryly.
‘‘Ouch,’’ Jane writes. ‘‘This was the rap on me: I’ve had so many personae over my lifetime that it’s easy to think, Who is she, anyway? Is there a ‘there there’? . . . When I looked at photos of myself over the years and matched them up with my husband of the time, I couldn’t help feeling that maybe it was true—maybe I simply become whatever the man I am with wants me to be: ‘sex kitten,’ ‘controversial activist,’ ‘ladylike wife on the arm of corporate mogul.’ . . . Was I just a chameleon, and if so, how was it that a seemingly strong woman could so thoroughly and repeatedly lose herself? Or had I really lost myself?’‘
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