Write your own post-election editorial

One thing is for sure: There has not been in recent memory a U.S. presidential election that witnessed such a large number of people deeply emotionally involved in the contest. Democrats woke up on Wednesday disbelieving that the electorate would keep Bush as the leader of the nation. Republicans were, predictably, ecstatic that despite a relatively bad economy and Iraq spiraling out of control, a majority of Americans chose George Bush as the next president. George now has a mandate to fix the problems he has created. Prayer is probably not going to be an effective solution to the mess in Iraq.  Since Islam just like Christianity only recognizes one God, Bush and the insurgent Iraqis are effectively praying to the same god. As far as I can tell, the Iraqis seem to pray at least as much as George Bush and the American public.  Hence trying to outpray the opposition does not seem to be a very promising strategy smile.  If you want to write your own post-election editorial, here is a funny start.

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Humor, Situations

No Comments 7 November 2004

Will Rogers on his craft

“I don’t make jokes. I just watch government and report the facts.”

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Humor, Situations

No Comments 27 October 2004

A Detour Before Dying

I hesitated to publish this story under the rubrik of humor; but there is something ‘awefully’ funny about it. The lesson seems loud and clear: When your doctor says you are terminally ill, do go and seek a second opinion smile


By JIM MALONE AS TOLD TO PAIGE WILLIAMS

Nearly eight years ago, just after Christmas in 1996, I tested H.I.V.-positive while I was on vacation in Los Angeles. I had gone to the E.R. with chest pains. They did the regular blood work and asked if I minded an H.I.V. test. I didn’t expect it to come back positive, but it didn’t surprise me when it did. My partner had passed away from AIDS. Before that I had been partying for about—well, I’ll be 60 on the 4th of July, so you do the math. Still, I felt as if somebody had hit me in the head with a baseball bat. I took the test results back home to Hayward, Calif., and gave them to my doctor at the V.A. clinic. He treated me for H.I.V. for the next seven and a half years.

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Humor, Situations

No Comments 21 October 2004

Albert publishes pictures from his first wedding

It may have been a Freudian slip, but Albert at least is honest. Albert published photos from his wedding, but left himself the option that one day he will add some pictures from his second, third or fourth wedding to his website. 

See for yourself at Albert’s Homepage

Realism and Romance, are they a good pair?

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Humor, People

No Comments 9 January 2004

“A Joke that has gone too far…”

Britney Spears, After a Dip Into Marriage, Is Free for Whatever Future May Hold

By LOLA OGUNNAIKE


Forlorn men around the world can breathe a collective sigh
of relief. Britney Spears is one step closer to being
available again.

Confirming reports that her marriage to a childhood friend
early Saturday morning in Las Vegas might not last forever,
a spokesman for the Clark County District Court in Nevada
said yesterday that Ms. Spears had filed a request for an
annulment that morning.

The request was made on the grounds that “plaintiff Spears
lacked understanding of her actions to the extent that she
was incapable of agreeing to the marriage.”

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Humor, People

No Comments 6 January 2004

Buffalo

image

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Humor, Cartoons

No Comments 6 January 2004

Is this a Joke, Ann?

I have only read Ann Landers colums perhaps five times in my life. The other day on the road, far away home, I came across a real funny one that I want to share. I wonder if Ann ever thought about doing her column live as a form of stand-up comedy. Too bad we cannot get an update on how well her advice was received.

January 25, 2002

Dear Ann Landers:

I have fallen in love with my parish priest and need to know what to do. Of course, I can’t talk to anyone about this, so I’m writing to you.

I have been separated from my husband for over a year and am getting an annulment. I am deeply religious and am being counseled through the church. As a result, I often chat with Father X.

Ann, I believe this man is my true soul mate. He posseses so many wonderful qualities, and I love being around him. Since he is counseling me, I cannot avoid him.

However, I know my infatuation is wrong, and I want to do the right thing.

Can you help me find a way to let go?

—Feeling Guilty in Boston

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Humor, People

No Comments 5 January 2004

The World’s ‘Funniest’ Jokes

New York Times, January 27, 2002

By TOM KUNTZ

IF you’re a careful reader of this newspaper, you’re already aware that British scientists have released preliminary results of their search for the world’s funniest joke. Reprinted below is the best-rated joke in their global online survey, which will be followed up with
further diligent study. (You may be skeptical of online surveys like this. If so, you may have a point; just read some of the jokes.)

Now, for a closer look at the findings of Dr. Richard Wiseman. He’s the psychologist at the University of Hertfordshire who devised the experiment with the British Association for the Advancement of Science.

It’s no surprise that women and men have different ideas of just what constitutes funny. Or that different nationalities do. But did you know that while computers can beat grandmasters at chess, they still can’t bring down a room? And that those cutups the Germans (think lederhosen) may be the most laugh- prone people on earth, followed by zee zilly French?

Samplings from the research follow:

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Humor, The Best

No Comments 5 January 2004

Office Jokes

I’M ON A COMMITTEE!

Oh give me some pity, I’m on a committee,
which means that from morning to night,
we attend, and amend, and contend, and defend
without a conclusion in sight.

We confer and concur, we defer and demur,
and reiterate all of our thoughts.

We revise the agenda with frequent addenda,
and consider a load of reports.

We compose and propose, we suppose and oppose,
and the points of procedure are fun!

But though various notions are brought up as motions,
there’s terribly little gets done.

We resolve and absolve, but we never dissolve,
since it’s out of the question for us.

What a shattering pity to end our committee,
where else could we make such a fuss.


-Author Unknown

 

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Humor, Situations

No Comments 5 January 2004

A Few Questions

How can you make holy water at home? You boil the hell out of it.

How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.

What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? Damn!

What do eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.

What do you call santa’s helpers? Subordinate clauses.

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers.

Why don’t blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

What kind of coffee was served on the titanic? Sanka.

What is the difference between a harley and a hoover? The location of the dirt bag.

Why do a pilgrim’s pants always fall down? Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.

What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes, whack, “damn.” A bad skydiver goes “damn,” whack.

How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it.

What do you call skydiving lawyers? Skeet.

What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop, clop, clop?
An amish drive-by shooting.

 

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Humor, The Best

No Comments 22 December 2003

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