How can you make holy water at home? You boil the hell out of it.

How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.

What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? Damn!

What do eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.

What do you call santa’s helpers? Subordinate clauses.

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers.

Why don’t blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

What kind of coffee was served on the titanic? Sanka.

What is the difference between a harley and a hoover? The location of the dirt bag.

Why do a pilgrim’s pants always fall down? Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.

What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes, whack, “damn.” A bad skydiver goes “damn,” whack.

How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it.

What do you call skydiving lawyers? Skeet.

What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop, clop, clop?
An amish drive-by shooting.