Humor, People
I have only read Ann Landers colums perhaps five times in my life. The other day on the road, far away home, I came across a real funny one that I want to share. I wonder if Ann ever thought about doing her column live as a form of stand-up comedy. Too bad we cannot get an update on how well her advice was received. January 25, 2002 Dear Ann Landers: I have fallen in love with my parish priest and need to know what to do. Of course, I can’t talk to anyone about this, so I’m writing to you. I have been separated from my husband for over a year and am getting an annulment. I am deeply religious and am being counseled through the church. As a result, I often chat with Father X. Ann, I believe this man is my true soul mate. He posseses so many wonderful qualities, and I love being around him. Since he is counseling me, I cannot avoid him. However, I know my infatuation is wrong, and I want to do the right thing. Can you help me find a way to let go? —Feeling Guilty in BostonIs this a Joke, Ann?
Humor, The Best
New York Times, January 27, 2002 By TOM KUNTZ IF you’re a careful reader of this newspaper, you’re already aware that British scientists have released preliminary results of their search for the world’s funniest joke. Reprinted below is the best-rated joke in their global online survey, which will be followed up with Now, for a closer look at the findings of Dr. Richard Wiseman. He’s the psychologist at the University of Hertfordshire who devised the experiment with the British Association for the Advancement of Science. It’s no surprise that women and men have different ideas of just what constitutes funny. Or that different nationalities do. But did you know that while computers can beat grandmasters at chess, they still can’t bring down a room? And that those cutups the Germans (think lederhosen) may be the most laugh- prone people on earth, followed by zee zilly French? Samplings from the research follow:The World’s ‘Funniest’ Jokes
further diligent study. (You may be skeptical of online surveys like this. If so, you may have a point; just read some of the jokes.)
Humor, Situations
I’M ON A COMMITTEE! Oh give me some pity, I’m on a committee, We confer and concur, we defer and demur, We revise the agenda with frequent addenda, We compose and propose, we suppose and oppose, But though various notions are brought up as motions, We resolve and absolve, but we never dissolve, What a shattering pity to end our committee, Office Jokes
which means that from morning to night,
we attend, and amend, and contend, and defend
without a conclusion in sight.
and reiterate all of our thoughts.
and consider a load of reports.
and the points of procedure are fun!
there’s terribly little gets done.
since it’s out of the question for us.
where else could we make such a fuss.
-Author Unknown
Humor, The Best
How can you make holy water at home? You boil the hell out of it. How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path. What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? Damn! What do eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese. What do you call santa’s helpers? Subordinate clauses. What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him. Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers. Why don’t blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of the dog. What kind of coffee was served on the titanic? Sanka. What is the difference between a harley and a hoover? The location of the dirt bag. Why do a pilgrim’s pants always fall down? Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat. What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it. How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it. What do you call skydiving lawyers? Skeet. What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop, clop, clop?A Few Questions
A bad golfer goes, whack, “damn.” A bad skydiver goes “damn,” whack.
An amish drive-by shooting.
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