Today is Roseanne Barr’s birthday. Courtesy of the Writer’s Almanac, here are some of her good lines.

Because [Roseanne] and her husband were short on money, she took a job outside the house, as a cocktail waitress. She began trying out her jokes, largely about the incompetence of the male species, and the people frequenting her bar loved it. To men who did not wash dishes, she said, “What’s the matter—is Lemon Joy kryptonite to your species?” and about husbands who couldn’t find their own socks, she said, “They think the uterus is a tracking device.” A lot of her comedy came from her observations and experiences as a housewife and stay-at-home mom.

“As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I’ve done my job.”

“Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.”